A Loss Returned


A man just doesn’t know what twists and turns his life may make. No matter how strongly he believes, or how hard he works, things don’t always turn out the way a man thinks they will. It seems that some of God’s plans cannot be fulfilled in the way we think. Destiny is a complicated matter, and just because God says “Go in this direction,” does not mean that He won’t issue new directions later. Some of these redirections are slight, others are major, and some will shake a man to his very core. Especially when it appears that he has lost something so precious that he fears it will never be returned.

This happened to a man I know. He had spent most of his life trying to know God, and to follow Him as best he could and trust Him with all of his heart. However, this did not deliver him from the crisis he was to go through, or the huge toll it would take on him.

The exact nature of this crisis and the details of what brought it on are not as important as the fact that it happened, and it happened at a very bad time. This man was a dad with four children. The youngest child did not have the chance to get to know her dad that her three siblings had, as his job kept him away a lot. Not only that, but the crisis that had been building for years was taking a toll on him. He did not handle this burden very well, and spent whatever time he had with alcohol, trying to anesthetize the aching in his soul. He made the crisis worse by doing this, and he discovered much too late that he had also squandered what he had not understood to be precious time with his youngest daughter. As bad as all this was, these were not his only wrongs. Later, he understood that whatever hardship resulted from all he had done wrong, it was up to him to accept the results, and not to make it worse by tying to fighting them.

Ultimately, a time came when this dad no longer lived in the same house as his children. It was very difficult to adjust to coming home to a silent and empty apartment, as he was used to a house full of children. He missed their laughter and the sound of their play. When he went to bed, he could not first go to the rooms of his children and kiss their foreheads as they slept. He could still pray for them, and he did, but he could not touch their cheeks like he used to, while he prayed. He hurt deeply inside because he knew that this was how it was to be, and it would never, ever change back to the way it was.

When he prayed he would pray for each of his children individually. He would smile as he thought of each one. When he prayed for his youngest, his smile would not last long, because he felt that he had cheated her by not being a better dad and by not being there for her at times when he should have. After he had finished praying for his children he would always ask God to forgive him, but for a long time he did not feel that he was forgiven for falling short, both as a husband and as a dad.

He was able to occasionally visit with his children and to do things with them, and he always enjoyed them. The youngest daughter was understandably more distant than the others, and always in the biggest hurry to get back to her mom. Each time he saw her it seemed like the divide he had created in his relationship with this daughter had widened. He tried not to show his sadness about this to her or the other children because he knew this was part of the price he had to pay, for all of a man’s decisions have consequences.

He prayed about the empty place in his heart that only this daughter could ever fill, but he could not have peace in his heart about it. He asked God to be with his youngest, and to protect her and keep her safe in his absence. He asked God to someday let him have this daughter back. It took many, many prayers before he felt that somehow God would let him have a good relationship with this daughter, but still he felt that it would take quite a while. He knew inside that she would have to grow up first. He was very concerned and asked his Heavenly Father why it might take so long. The only answer he seemed to get was, “You must be patient until the proper time comes.” When he pleaded for the Lord to hasten the process, he was told “Your children will be adults a lot longer than they will be children. You must make some necessary changes in your life so that you will be able enjoy them as adults.”

One night when this man was reading the Bible he read a story that had been familiar to him for a long time, but now struck him very differently. It was about the joy of a woman who had ten pieces of silver, but had lost one of them. It caused her to sweep her entire house, and she finally found the missing piece of silver. Her joy was such that she ran to tell all of her neighbors. He cried as he realized that God was making him “sweep his own house,” to clean up his life and put it back in order, so that he would be properly prepared for a renewed relationship with his youngest daughter.

One day very much later he again saw his youngest daughter. He was thinking of how young she was and how vulnerable she was. But she was not acting as young anymore. She looked at him to tell him something and he realized that she had matured tremendously, and very quickly. In a moment that could only be ordained by God, she began to talk to him and let the feelings that he had known were there for so many years become words. Then, both of their words became tears. Through these tears came healing to both of them, and the healing brought them both joy and laughter. They hugged and cried and then held each other tighter and laughed, for they had missed each other so very much for so very long. Her dad had a wonderful new feeling of closeness to her.

What was so precious to him and had seemed so distant for so long had finally been returned to him. The joy this brought him was much greater than he had ever even imagined it would be.

I pray for all fathers that have experienced what this man experienced. Only with tremendous grace upon our lives can any man avoid making such wrong choices and having to pay so dearly for so long because of them. This man does not dwell on his past suffering. In fact, all of that suffering has now been replaced with great joy. He had squandered one of God’s most precious gifts because of his pride and his weakness, but his Heavenly Father had not let him suffer forever. That was precious grace, to have the suffering end. But he not only got that, he also received new joy because, even though he could never have done anything to deserve it, God was gracious enough to return that wonderful gift to him. There are few joys like the joy of a gift returned. And there is no gratitude sufficient for God’s grace.

Happy birthday, Bebee Girl. I love you very much.